I’ll have my tablet with me, but since they are living in a small village I don’t know how good the internet connection will be.

I’ll be back online later tonight, I think. Have an awesome day, all you lovelies! <3

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Your gifs skills are great! (In addition of course to your writing skills) you really should be proud of them <3 Morning!

Good morning, dearest Yael! <333 Aww, that is so nice of you to say, I am a bloody newbie still though, but it’s a learning curve I guess. :) *hugs*

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Anonymous: This is a friendly anon message asking you to list 5 of your proudest tumblr moments (text posts, picture posts, audio posts, video posts, etc) for your old and new followers to enjoy. This is the day to be proud of yourself! Send this to 5 other blogs you admire. 

Hello dear anon,

thank you for this sweet little message! *blushes*

Let’s see… My 5 proudest tumblr moments in no particular order were:

1) When the song I wrote about Dean’s darkside arc in S9 - "Save Me (Dean’s Song)" - started getting notes and a lot of different people started writing me, because my lyrics and melody touched them. I can’t believe that the song has now been listened to more than 2.000 times. *mindblown* It makes me very emotional and very happy. :’)

2) When defilerwyrm recced me as a writer on his “Monday Meta Digest”. I get massively excited each and every time one of my pieces happens to make his list.

3) When I realized that my meta about “Dean’s Perception of Monsters" was included in the very first issue of salt-and-burn-magazine.

4) When I posted my meta “Dean Winchester’s Heart is a Puzzle" which deals with the three-act-structure in relation to a quote about "Growth, Decay and Transformation" from "Breaking Bad". It’s not one of my most popular posts or metas, but it certainly is one that means a LOT to me and maybe this is cheating somewhat, but since I kind of did a follow up on Cas’ arc, I’d mention this one here as well. It is called "On Castiel’s New ~Trenchcoat”.

5) Oh and I am cheating some more. I know, I am horrible!!! SORRY!!! Some of my comparative metas I did recently after learning (or rather attempting) how to gif. :) These are the ones I am most “proud of”:

2014!Cas & Mr. Mojo Rising

Dean’s Decay & the Parallels to Requiem for a Dream

Let Your Hands Do the Talking

From the Inside Out

Parallels between 9x14 Captives and Queen of the Damned

The Anti-Venus - Abbadon and the Corruption of Love

I really feel like a douche now for adding so many more things… :(((

And since now it doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll even make a

6) though this isn’t really about being proud of something, it’s more me being very very grateful and happy to have met so many awesome people from all over the world thanks to tumblr.

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———————— 2014!CAS & MR. MOJO RISING ————————
„This is the end. My only friend the end.“

I’d like to start this sort of remix meta of an old meta of mine on the same topic with a line from a „The Doors“ song. Not just any song, but a song called „The End“. A song, which is going to be as much a topic of this meta as will be the lead singer of the band: Jim Morrison. As the title suggests though, I won’t just write about „The Doors“ as a huge fan of their music, but how the song „The End“ and Jim Morrison as a person and the lifestyle he led, might have served as an inspiration while creating endverse and 2014!Cas. Of course I don’t know, what Ben Edlund’s exact sources or inspirations were, when writing this episode, so from here on out, it really is more about how I personally think the song „The End“ and Jim Morrison as a person relate very well to who the characters – Cas in particular – have become in 2014 and how a piece of music actually sums up the whole tragedy of one of my personal all time favourite episodes SPN has every created.

The Song

„The End“ was written by Jim Morrison and was included on „The Doors’“ debut album with the same name, that was published in 1967 (of course I have to think about the fun coincidence of a certain Impala rolling of the line in the very same year). It’s an almost 12 minute long psychedelic, eerie sounding epos, which Morrison described as a goodbye song (you can listen to it HERE), though he later said, the song changed its meaning almost every time he sang it – I personally think the song is largely about death, which is a topic Morrison has seemingly been fascinated by and was sort of ~obsessed with in major ways, like many other „The Doors’“ songs show as well:

“Everytime I hear that song, it means something else to me. It started out as a simple good-bye song… Probably just to a girl, but I see how it could be a goodbye to a kind of childhood. I really don’t know. I think it’s sufficiently complex and universal in its imagery that it could be almost anything you want it to be.”

- Jim Morrison

I really like the way he talks about the lyrics and their meaning here (not just because once again it is a cas of the „author being dead and open for any interpretation“ in a Roland Barthes sort of way of thinking about literature). Especially, because I personally always felt like it might have been a very deliberate choice by the writers to call 5x04 „The End“, because it opens up a whole new set of possible readings of the episode. Let’s take a look at some of the lyrics:

„This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need…of some…stranger’s hand
In a…desperate land“

I personally feel like those three verses actually fit very well to the bleakness and hopelessness in which endverse is presented to the audience. In away it’s a goodbye to innocence as well. Dean is barely recognisable anymore, he is just a shell of himself. But he is not the only one broken, there is also a former angel, who is only able to take this new world and also the person, he once rescued from hell, has become, while operating under a constant haze of drugs and alcohol. Which fits nicely with the lyrics of the song also seemingly alluding to quite a bit of drug use:

„C’mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin’ a blue rock
On a blue bus“

More on Fallen!Cas an the possibility of him being based or inspired my the lead singer of „The Doors“ in a bit. Let’s take a look at „The End“ (the song) some more before. As much as this song seems to be about dying/death, to me it also kind of captures the notion of “going to war”. In the sense of leaving and not knowing whether you will return or not. And that is something that brings me to

The End, the Apocalypse and Apocalypse Now

You see, the lyrics of “The End” alone, to me already capture the mood of endverse really well. What is interesting especially in relation to the notion of „going to war“ though is, that „The End“ was also used in Francis Ford Coppolla’s war (or rather anti-war) movie „Apocalypse Now“ from 1979. While “apocalypse” in the movie relates to the horrors of the vietnam war and on SPN is very much about the actualy biblical apocalypse, there are interesting similarities here. In 5x04 „The End“ the world is at war – hell, we even have the visual of soldiers drinking and killing croats in the very beginning of the episode set to „The Contours’“ „Do You Love Me“ - which btw will always be one of the most chill inducing scenes to me and also one of the most memorable and best song choices I think they made on SPN since pretty much everybody knows this song from „Dirty Dancing“, well and in „The End“ it’s all pretty much a dance with death, not an expression of passion or love, but rather shows how the situation caused many people to switch off their humanity – not just Dean) – Dean, Cas and the other suvivors at Camp Chitaqua are at war. Fighting against Lucifer and the croatoan virus and in the end (no pun intended) being lead to Lucifer’s hide out not knowing whether they’ll return from their mission or whether they’ll die. I actually happen to think Cas might have known Dean’s plan, but kept going with him nonetheless, even if it meant certain death. Maybe it was sort of a comfort for him (just reminding here again, that those are just loose ideas and my thoughts, I don’t claim those ideas to be right), which reminds me of something Jim Morrsion said about fear, death and pain and which serves as a nice stepping stone to the third and last part of this meta.

Jim Morrison, Mr. Mojo Rising and an Angel, Who Lost His Mojo

Sometimes the pain is too much to examine, or even tolerate… That doesn’t make it evil, though – or necessarily dangerous. But people fear death even more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah – I guess it is a friend…”

- Jim Morrison

To me, this quote actually kind of sums up how I perceive Cas’ state of mind in endverse. He’s is desperate. He himself says:

„I’m powerless, I’m hapless and hopeless and why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence?“

Our favourite angel is not good at all. In fact, like I mentioned earlier, the situation in general, but I personally think his broken relationship with Dean as well, has him struggling with thoughts of being useless after losing his powers and thinking he has no true place any longer („I used to belong to a much better club“). That being said, the way Misha portrayed 2014!Cas (or how Edlund wrote this version of Castiel) to me has some interesting similarities with – or may have been inspired by – Mr. Mojo Rising (Morrison often used this anagram when he referred to himself). And damn, doesn’t this fit well with an angel, who lost his mojo?

But it’s of course not just because of that, that I feel like Jim Morrison as a singer, poet and personality might have influenced the writers (or maybe actually more Misha in the way he portrayed that version of Cas - actually that would be an interesting question to ask at a panel… Maybe I should ask him that at JIB this year… If there are any fictional characters or real people, he based 2014!Cas on) in creating 2014!Cas. Because you see, Jim Morrison has been said to have been an extremely charismatic person, a womanizer. Someone, who was interested in the „native american culture“ as well as „spirituality“ and has often been called a “shaman”. He was not just well known as a singer, songwriter and poet, but also because - maybe even more so in the public eye - of his excessive lifestyle. He did have a big love for alcohol and a whole bunch of other drugs. All of this reminds me quite a bit of how 2014!Cas goes about human life, though I think the reasons for his drug use are fairly different from Morrison’s. Ignoring that though I think there are a few interesting parallels one could draw from “Mr. Mojo Rising” and “Mr. No More Mojo”. At Camp Chitaqua Cas has taken the place of the „spritual leader“ if you will. If Morrison to his fans was a shaman, believing to know deeper thruths about life due to him exploring and engaging with native american culture, etc., then Cas could very much be seen as someone, who the people at Camp Chitaqua went to for ~spiritual guidance as well due to him being a former angel and knowing more about life than the ~ordinary person. Then there is the thing about Morrison being a womanizer. Rumours have it that by the time of this death, there were allegedly over 20 paternity suits filled against him from his many one night stands with his groupies and flings. Fallen!Cas sure liked to have his fair share of sex if his line of „getting washed up for the orgy“ is any indication. And then of course there is the thing about drug use. Like Cas states himself he is „generally stoned“, he is popping pills and chases them down with absinth.

And in the end, even though this doesn’t really have that much to do with 5x04 as an episode and Morrison’s music and writing or anything, they shared the same fate: They both did not survive. Morrison has always been fascinated by death, so maybe he was welcoming it and maybe Cas was welcoming it a bit as well… After all…

"Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws."

- Jim Morrison

(via ladyofthesilent)

(Source: deanlirium, via savingsammyhuntingdestiel)

rhymeswthfrenzy: I saw your comment about Dean's physical motion looking like that of a snake's when he was interrogating Gadreel. Just another interesting tidbit - Metatron quoted Sherlock Holmes at Castiel. Moriarty, the villain in Sherlock Holmes, is always described as being snake-like in his movements. 

Hi dear,

I assume you are referring to this post of mine? :)

That is interesting. I did not know that since I never really watched or read any Sherlock Holmes. *shame on me* I would have to re-watch to be sure, but did Metatron with tha kind of allude to Cas being the Sherlock Holmes in his play? Because then it would fit with one of my very crazy ~idea/totally unbased feeling of Metatron possibly planning on setting Dean and Cas up against one another to kill each other (it’s very unlikely to be the case, but somehow I couldn’t shake that feeling), which would fit nicel with Moriarty being the evil counterpart to Sherlock Holmes, I guess…

And it could also fit with the tons of seaosn finale specs that all circle around the notion of Cas maybe getting mortally wounded by a Dean, who completely lost control over his dark side. And just to add a little more tragedy and heartbreak I would like to point you to THIS awesome idea of larinah, which I REALLY REALLY want: A reverse purgatory “letting go”-scene before a reverse “crypt” and/or “Swan Song”-scene.

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I thought I’d go about this a little differently today, because I think all of the people, who follow me or who I follow should find this message in their inbox, not just 10. And since I am unable to copy and paste it in every single one of you lovelies’ askboxses, I thought I am doing it like this and also attach a huge THANK YOU as well, because I am overwhelmed time and again, when I see that I gain a new follower or if someone likes or reblogs a post or sends me a nice message or wnats to start up a discussion or just wants to flail and drown in feels together. I love it! You all are amazing!!! So this goes out to all of you! <3

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AU where 'friend' and 'boyfriend'/'girlfriend' are the same word. imagine how confusing that would be! you would tell somebody about your ‘friend’ but they literally wouldn’t know what you relationship is because……..

oh wait sorry this isn’t an AU. German, I was talking about German. Imagine German.

(via okdesign)


Awwww, thank you, dear! *blushes*

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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…who celebrate.

Also: A happy and wonderful sunday to all of you.

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9x13 “The Purge” // 9x18 “Meta Fiction”

Finally figured out why the scene in 9x18 “Meta Fiction” when Sam hurries to Dean’s side felt so familiar. It’s because we’ve seen something very similar in 9x13 “The Purge”, when Dean calls Sam for help when he realizes he has been drugged.

In 9x18 Dean is unable to verbalize that he needs help, but it is written all over his face (gif 8 in particular), a silent cry for help. But that isn’t all. I think it particularly interesting to take into account that in 9x13 Dean was drugged, in a haze, on a high and coming down. I think somethign very similar could be said about what happened in 9x18 though on top of all that Dean has been craving the effects of the blade and tried substituting and re-creating those feelings with drinking heavily (9x17) or losing himself in his own darkness and violent side (9x18).

On top of that I find it very interesting that the setting is similar as well. I cannot tell for sure, but the place they were in 9x18 either didn’t have any windows or they were in the basement. Another parallel to Dean getting ~lost in the basement in 9x13. The basement, which was where Alonso - Dean’s dark mirror of the episode - spent most of his time.

The basement as a metaphor for the dark urges and monstrous side of humanity I find pretty compelling, because it also fits very well to my meta about the superego, the ego and the id in relation to the duality that lives within each and every one of us - the struggle between darkness and light - but also to Supernatural and heaven, earth and hell/purgatory as realms.

"It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut."

William Shakespeare, (Romeo & Juliet: Act 2, Scene 2)

…or something.

(via obsessionisaperfume)

(Source: mourningmelody, via obsessionisaperfume)


reunion fic: 1.2k, set somewhere between 9x18 and 9x19.

This is entirely deanhugchester's fault.


They cross paths again in Bartlesville, just over the Oklahoma line. Monday’s Examiner-Enterprise had reported strange deaths in the area, the kind of strange Sam had thought might be a lead on Abaddon or Crowley; Cas had apparently thought it might be a lead on Metatron or Gadreel, and now they’re standing in the parking lot of a cheap motel behind a Biggerson’s, listening to the trucks rattle down US 60. It is almost evening, the sky beginning to bruise above their heads, pink and prairie gold.

Read More

Good night, lovelies!

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one day it’ll all just end

(Source: doeraymisha, via lemondropsonice)