Aug 01

Anonymous said: Not sure if I should celebrate today the Croatoan Apocalypse or the Swiss National Day. Coincidence? I think not.

Dear anon,
what a coincidence. :) Though swiss national day comes each year, right? Not just in 2014. :)

Aug 01

(Source: wackydean)

Today would really be kind of the perfect day…

…to post a fully produced song of mine given the date. You know “August, 1st 2014”…

Aug 01

yarnyfan replied to your photoset “New Orleans” Part 1/?? Category: Post 9x23, Characters: Demon!Dean …”

This is awesome. I can’t wait to read the rest.

Thank you! <3 <3 <3 

"New Orleans" Part 1/??

Category: Post 9x23,

Characters: Demon!Dean

Additional Tags: Alcoholism, Drug use, Mentions of Sex and Violence

Summary: After drifting from town to town and causing trouble and tragedy wherever he goes, Demon!Dean feels himself being pulled to New Orleans. In love with his newfound self he embraces the life in Louisiana.


He hadn’t expected to end up in New Orleans of all places, especially not during the summer months. The t-shirt clung to his back and he could feel beads of sweat sliding down his spine. The air had been exceptionally hot the past few days. So hot that even the locals had been surprised. In the early morning hours the heat had culminated in thunderstorms and heavy rain. He loved it. The rumbling, the roaring, the pushing and pulling, the forces of nature. Only downside was that the humidity in the air made it hard to make a single step without feeling like melting away. It was smothering everything, so thick you could almost slice it with a knife. The heat turned the city into one huge outdoor-sauna and it made people short-tempered and aggressive, the atmosphere explosive. Since the days were unbearable, New Orleans came alive at night, making up for the lost hours during which the streets sat abandoned and the bars empty. Like a ghost town. But all it needed was a spark. When the sun had set and the dust of the day had settled, it would light up, just like him. It was like they were one, with their hearts beating in the same rhythm, and the blood rushing through their veins at the same speed.

It’d been two months. 60 days in the crescent city. He’d been here far longer than he had stayed in any of the  other places he’d turned upside down. New Orleans was different. Had always been. It was magical. The city’s arms were pulling him in, calling out to him and whispering seductively into his ears. And he couldn’t resist, didn’t want to resist. So he surrendered. To no one except himself. Why limiting himself? Why not living to the fullest? He had nothing to lose, after all. Not anymore. And damn, if that didn’t feel exhilarating.

It had been a while since he’d last paid a visit to “the Big Easy”. 10 years give or take. 26 he’d been back then. He couldn’t help but smile to himself remembering his former self: So desperate to save the world, so desperate to do the right thing, so heavy the weight on his shoulders. If he’d known that this would be the cure to all of his problems, he’d sold his soul earlier. Maybe he should have put up a bigger fight when a certain angel had grabbed him by the shoulder to raise him from perdition… It sure would have spared him lots of heartache. But that was then, now he didn’t feel anything, and it was awesome. How long had he been trying to re-create just that with pills, with booze, with anything really. None of it had worked. Now all of his favourite poisons did wonders on top, especially when the consequences were a long way off.

He still remembered the job he had worked here. A decade ago. He remembered every little detail. It had been a hoodoo thing. Creepy as hell, but of course he wouldn’t have admitted that to anyone. But the thing he’d hunted, had been twisted and evil, knew all too well people’s weak spots. Kind of like him now, he realized. He’d been in over his head fighting this… thing and for a while, it hadn’t looked all that rosy for him. In fact it was quite possible he would not have been here, if it hadn’t been for her: Madeleine.

And of course, there was the issue with his dad. How could he ever forget about that? John Winchester had vanished around that time. Kind of like him now, he thought and took a drag from his cigarette. Oh if his dad could see him now! He’d tear him a new one for smoking. Or letting his hair grow this long. And for the other thing… with the eyes as well. There had been a time, when he would have done anything his father had asked of him. Now he was a far cry from the obedient son he once had been.

John had sent him here, back then, but he’d never learned that Dean had found so much more in the crescent city than a case. He’d found tender hands and soft skin to make him forget and strong arms to keep him steady when everything was spinning out of control. Control. That was the key word. He finally felt like having just that. Control. Over himself and his life. He was free. He knew there were a couple of people, who’d probably disagree with his assessment of the situation. The angel for example. Or his brother. He knew Sam had been searching for him. Still was probably, but he didn’t care. He would never find him unless Dean wanted to be found. There were a couple of times he had come dangerously close, but Dean had always been able to shake him off.

Now he was in New Orleans. And in New Orleans you could disappear, drop off the face of the earth completely. If you didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t be found, demon or not. On top of that he was good at covering his tracks. He had a lifetime of learning to show for it and it had come in handy more than once. Not bothering with another thought on his family, Dean gulped down his beer, gestured the barkeeper for another and made his way over to the restrooms. In a beeline. He felt blissfully inebriated and he hadn’t felt like that for a long long time, back when he was still human. He had no idea what time it was and when he had started drinking. It didn’t really matter, because the nasty side effects of dabbling into all sorts of substances he had grown used to over the years - the shivering, the headaches, the nausea - didn’t touch him anymore. The hangover he had expected to set in the next day never came, and neither followed the inevitable crash. It was a plus in his book, a miracle really. But more than that, it was a gift and Dean had every intention to make good use of it.

He could feel their eyes on him, following his steps all the way from the spot at the bar right until he disappeared into the restrooms. Dean moved in front of the dirty smoke-stained mirror over the sink, splashed some water in his face and looked at himself. He could still remember a time when catching sight of his own reflection would have been enough to make him throw punches at the damn thing. He’d hated what he saw. He wondered why that was, because he sure didn’t know now. "Hey handsome!", he said to his reflection and let his eyes flash black for a few seconds. A lot can change when you finally embrace, who you were always meant to be…

Millions of thank yous to ladyofthesilent for the amazing beta.

Jul 31
The human heart is a strange vessel. Love and hatred can exist side by side.
 Scott Westerfeld (via lipstick-bullet)

(Source: feellng)

Anonymous said: (demon!dean theme anon from earlier) I TOTALLY JUST REMEMBERED the same band did a really good cover of Bad Company. I don't know if you're into that kind of music (they're a little angry for me) but that song has such a good sound.


That’s awesome, what a coincidence!

Angry seems to capture their music pretty well, I guess. ;)

So, I have a nothing against it being loud and all from time to time, but I def liked the soft parts with the singing better than the screamier parts. :)

Anonymous said: Hi, I just wanted to chime in and ask if you have ever listened to The Tragic Truth by Five Finger Death Punch? A couple of songs speak to me in terms of SPN, but this one in particular has me thinking of demon!Dean, and/or works as a general theme for the latter half of S9. Just wanted to get your thoughts on it, since your thoughts are always so beautiful. (hope you feel better soon btw!)

Hi dear anon,

I actually didn’t know “Five Finger Death Punch” before you talked about them in this message. Now I do. :) I googled the song and listened to it online and I absolutely agree with you, it fits really well to Dean’s S9 storyline. For everybody else, who is curious, here the lyrics of the first verse, pre-chorus and chorus.

I’m drowning in the bottom of a bottle.
Running from a man I swore I’d never be.
No one ever has to face tomorrow.
But I’m the one that has to face me.

It’s the demons I’ve created for myself.
The tragic truth.
It’s hard for me to understand myself.
So it has to be hard as hell for you! (For you! You!)

Are we born to be broken, sinners, and thieves?
Someone tell the heavens I’m ready to escape! (You!)
This is not what I wanted not what I need!
Take it all, tear it all, rip it all away!”

Could absolutely be Dean’s theme song. From the drinking to being afraid of what he is turning into to the problem of facing up to, who you are and what you may have done and how you may have damaged yourself most - all of it fits Dean to a t.

I can absolutely understand why the song gives you Dean feels, dear. :) Was the same way for me!


*MASSIVES HUGS AND BEE BALLOONS AND HONEY COOKIES* Oh dear I am sorry to hear that you had that bad of a day… and I wish I could have something intelligent and helping to say, besides sending you all the love and comforting thoughts I can ♥♥♥


Why would you think what you wrote isn’t intelligent and helping? It is very much so, I’d say. :)

<3 <3 <3

Awww… sorry to hear! Hope tomorrow is going to be a wonderful day! ;) *HUGS*
Oh sweetheart I’m sorry you had a shitty day! *hugs you* I really hope you have a nice, relaxed evening and that tomorrow is much better! xx
don’t worry about the message. It doesn’t matter. Think at yourself first ;) This is what is important. I’m happy you are feeling better now and i am positive that it get even more better

OMG, I really don’t know how to deal with so much sweetness today, but thank you!!! *hugs and kisses you all* It is very very appreciated! <3 <3 <3

Anonymous said: Sorry you had a bad day. I hope that tomorrow goes better for you!

You are way too lovely ma dear anon,

can’t always have good days. *sigh* But I am sure tomorrow will be better. I am already feeling better and you lovelies on here are def making everything better! :)

<3 <3 <3

Uhm, yesterday the new guy tweeted a pic, and he really doesn’t seem like he’s 20. Other actors could appear way younger, not him. I think Carver is lying about this Cole being 10 in S1 era. Or maybe he’s not human.

Yes, he is 38 or something, right? That doesn’t fit with the timeline at all if he was supposedly 10 in S1. o_o I am still really kind of wondering if he maybe is not Cole. Maybe they let us believe he plays the Cole guy, but he actually is playing soemone else so that the surprise, shock, whatever is bigger, but that of course is just really wild spec on my part. :)

i don’t know if there is something new about SPN. I just hope that your day will get better and that tomorrow will be amazing ;)

That is very sweet of you, dear! <3 <3 Btw, I’ll reply to your message tomorrow. I am feeling a bit better now. Writing helped. :)

Jul 31

Had a shitty day…

…and wasn’t in the mood to go online all day. *grumbles to herself*

Anything exciting or interesting I missed?